A review

From "Behind The Arras"

Spoken Worlds

 Old Cottage Inn, Burton upon Trent

This was the third event at this new venue, which I suspect means that it is no longer new, and should no longer be described as such.

A first time performer at Spoken Worlds, but a seasoned veteran of the Birmingham/Black Country circuit was Bob Hale. An English Teacher by profession, Bob was making his first and last ( for a year) appearance as he is soon to teach summer school at Harrow and then English in China, so any victory speeches in Black Country English from the Chinese Olympic Team in London next year are down to Bob.

Wisely his first two poems, “On Being Joined in the Pub by Two Female Colleagues whose limited range of Conversational Gambits had Previously Been Remarked Upon” (“I forgot you’re not a girl Bob”) and “Dave” were set in a pub, unsurprisingly they matched the audience’s mood perfectly. “Other Childhoods” reminded of those in other countries less fortunate than ourselves whilst “Waiting for a Holiday to Begin” was a short, sharp reminder of the perils of embarking upon any holiday.

But he left his most impressive poem till last, ”Chaos Theory”, from the eponymous second collection of his work, “The smallest of lies betrays the greatest of truths. . .  ”, a poem of love and loss, taut, anguished and well executed. A fine set, and well worth the three slots, he will be missed, but equally welcomed back in a year’s time with, no doubt a rickshaw full of new poetry.

 The review of the full event can be found here.

Let's get this over with

OK. Went out in round one.

The poetry slam wasn't all bad news though. My poems for round one were reasonably well received by the audience, I didn't come last in my heat (second of three), I did as well as some of the winners in other heats, the organiser told me she thought I'd been good and that I should do some more slams.

I still went out in round one though.

Apart from that it was a fine evening. In a small room, a packed audience watched fifteen performers compete and there was enough of a range of poetry to suit every taste. Mostly, though not exclusively, the successful acts were the ones who did it in a loud, gesticulating, almost ranting, style or as a kind of character comedy performance rather than simply as a piece of poetry. The winner, for example, did three pieces all involving props and costumes: one as a toilet cleaner, one as a football fan and one as barman. Another poet performed as a yobbish teenage girl and another as ranting work-shy layabout.

I tried to put some expression into my performance but did it as me. I'm a poet not an actor. I didn't agree with all the voting but it's a very subjective matter and I can honestly say that there weren't any performances that I didn't enjoy. My personal preference is generally for the quieter, subtler performances which seems to be less well received generally.

Which of course may account for why I went out in round one.

28 Years Later... (A "To Put Away Childish Things" Special Edition)

Somewhere in a parallel Universe, it's 2010 and Jameson Raid have just played their farewell tour after thirty-five years as the most successful Heavy Metal band in the world. They have finished on a triumphant seven-night, sell-out run at the O2 in London. Rock magazines have produced detailed tribute issues. The twenty CD boxed set retrospective of their work has gone straight to the top of the charts.The Mojo cover disc has a lot of bands no one ever heard of doing their versions of Jameson Raid songs in inappropriate styles. The Classic Rock cover disc is "Bands influenced by Jameson Raid". Terry Dark has denied reports that he is the new judge on Britain's Got Talent.

But that's in the Universe next door.

Back here in this Universe it's 1982. Jameson Raid have just split up after a couple of years of struggling on with line up changes. They leave behind two EPs and a single track on a compilation album. Other tracks were recorded but never released. Their small but loyal following are disappointed that they will never make the big time.

Fast forward to our 2010 and after 28 years Jameson Raid are back. The missing recordings have been released on a CD, the classic line up are together on stage for the first time since they split up. They are playing three gigs, two in England and one in Germany. The Robin, venue for the first gig, is packed. Who would have thought that a band almost no one has ever heard of could fill the place? The band look old. We all look old. It's been a long time.

Then the music starts and they are as good as they ever were. They thunder through the tracks on the CD and more. Surprisingly I remember all of these songs from the first time round, so long ago. The audience love them. They are note perfect and harder and heavier than I remember them. They have even dug out the old costumes, Ian Smith in his waistcoat, John Ace in his military gear, Terry Dark more conventional in jeans and T-shirt. For two hours we have slipped over into that parallel Universe where they are the stars they should have been. 

And then it's all over. I can't get to the other gigs but I surely would if I could.

I'd thought the gig might have to fly powered solely by nostalgia. I was wrong. In their day these guys produced some of my favourite songs and performed some of my favourite gigs , gigs I recall vividly to this day, and older or not they can still do it. 

A glimpse of the greatness that might have been.

Ashes to Ashes

This commentary contains NO SPOILERS to the end of Ashes to Ashes but one enormous spoiler to the end of the US version of Life on Mars.

A month or so ago I watched the US version of Life on Mars and to say that the ending of it was a disappointment is the understatement of all time. The sixteen preceding episodes had ranged from very good to excellent and while I didn't like it as much as our own original version it was very entertaining. Then that final episode ruined it all with an "it's all a dream" ending that relocated the action to a spaceship for the final scenes. A show that had been a solid seven out of ten was in a moment plunged to no more than a two. Perhaps a one. It's that bad.

In the last few weeks of Ashes to Ashes various characters have been seeing stars where there ought to be buildings and doodling stars on their papers. I was starting to worry that the stinker of an ending from America might be transferred and adapted here. As the final episode approached, I can tell you, I was definitely concerned.

And then the writers threw me. The UK ending had nothing to do with spaceships or dreams. (And that's as close as I intend to get to a spoiler.)  It was far, far more satisfying. It managed to tie up pretty much everything from two seasons of Life on Mars and three seasons of Ashes to Ashes in a very satisfactory way- no, in a brilliant way - in an hour, with the obligatory crime of the week included. A couple of reviewers have said they didn't understand it but I don't understand why. Of course it was complex. It's been a complicated show from day one, but it wasn't just clear, it was elegant. The performances of the leads have always been great. Last night they moved up a notch. All of the main characters put in top of the line performances buoyed by a staggeringly good script that gave deep, intelligent scenes to all of them as individuals as well as excellent ensemble interactions. You needed to pay attention, it had a lot of work to do, but the attention was rewarded. Just about everything was explained.

It was the best hour of television I've seen for ages. It left only one mystery. Why on Earth didn't the Americans go with this ending instead of that one?

Redacted Review

Dave Gorman, Alexandra TheatreBirmingham

I first came across Dave Gorman when he did his "Are You Dave Gorman?" TV series and was a fan straight away. I know he had a career before that but that was where I joined the ship. This means that I know him mainly through his "event comedy". I know him through "Are You Dave Gorman?", "Googlewhack Adventure", "America Unchained" and even as the presenter of "Genius" (a program that was much better on the radio than on TV). What I didn't know was whether or not he was going to be any good at stand up comedy, so I went to find out last night.

From the moment that he came on stage, ****** * *******, my concerns were allayed. He **** ** ***** * ****** ** **** **** *** ******* **** ****** **** ****** *** *. *** ******* **** ***** *** *** ***** hilarious ***** ********. ***** **** ** **** *** **** ? ***** *** ***** **** **** * ** **** ***** ** *** ***** **.
The first half continued with Dave ******* **** * ***** ****** ***** *** very funny****** ***, but **** ****** *** ****** *** ***** ** ***** *** ****** **** ***. The whole audience was in hysterics by the time he concluded the half with a lengthy story about *** ******* ****** ** *** *****.

After a twenty minute interval he picked up where he had left off. The nature of the second half was slightly different to the first half. Instead of ******** * *** ** ***** ******* * ******** ** *****, he ***** ** ****** ******** ******* ****** *****. **** **** **** ** *****.

There were references to ***** **** *** ****** ** **** **** *, ***** ** ** ***** *** ***** **** **** *** and a degree of audience participation. It was all ******** *****.

And when it was all over? After a couple more ******* **** ******* ****, he left the stage and then returned for further applause and to issue a simple request, that we reveal nothing about the show so that we can avoid spoiling things for future audiences.
I enjoyed it so much that I am happy to comply.

The bottom line is that he's very funny, the show is very funny and if you liked his event comedy, you'll like this. You should go.

Wonderland: A 3-in-1 Review

Warning: May contain spoilers

Three reviews for the price of one.

The 3D

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is the first of the new generation of 3D movies that I've seen and I decided to see it to its best advantage at the local IMAX cinema. Now I know that the live action was shot in 2D and then digitally enhanced to match the full digital rendering of the animated world in which it takes place. What I don't know is whether this accounts for the failings of the presentation. Some bits of the 3D are stunning. The panoramic shots as we race through or soar over Wonderland are terrific and some of the set pieces - falling down the hole, battling the Jabberwocky - are extremely well done. The trouble is that when it's good it's very, very good but when it's bad it's terrible. There are two major things and one minor thing wrong. The minor thing was completely predictable. Time after time action takes place into or out of the screen which would be easier to follow and dramatically better across the screen. It's the use of 3D just because it's there. The other problems are more basic and relate to the actual technique. The digital rendering of the live shots frequently leaves the actual actors looking like 2D figures in a 3D background, where there are multiple depths of action the overall effect is akin to the cardboard cutout Alice puppet theatre that I have in my collection. The final problem, also especially noticeable in the bookend "real world" sections, is that part of the process has been to sharpen the focus of the bit of screen you are supposed to be looking at and blur the focus in any other plane so that you get a foreground of out-of-focus bushes, a hyper-sharp middleground of two people talking and another out-of-focus background of fuzzy, unidentifiable figures. Flickering your eyes to another part of the screen is like looking through a frosted glass window.
So overall, while sections of the 3D are stunning, I can't help thinking it will be better when I get to watch it in good old flat screen 2D.

The film

But is it a good film? Well I will say this, it's quite remarkable how one man's virtue is another vice. Tim Burton has been doing the interview round promoting the film and has said, over and over, that all the previous versions suffer from a lack of narrative, that Alice wanders from one random encounter to the next without any rhyme or reason. He, of course has "put this right" by adding a narrative base to the story. He might actually have got away with it too if the narrative he'd chosen wasn't so familiar and trite that cliché is too inadequate a word. It's a standard good versus evil story with a climactic battle that could just as easily be from Narnia as Wonderland. Bolting on a narrative could only ever have worked if it was something as unusual and quirky as Wonderland itself.
It isn't all bad news though. Against all my expectations everyone puts in a good performance - even Matt Lucas as the Tweedles. The wealth of excellent characterisations culminates in Johnny Depp's brilliantly bonkers Mad Hatter - a character full of wild madness but with moments of great pathos. The ensemble as a whole almost manages to save the film from the weight of it's dull plot and the screenplay's ponderous "be true to yourself" moralising.
Almost but not quite.

The adaptation of the book

It is of course, as Burton keeps endlessly pointing out, not an adaptation of the book. It uses elements of the book to create a sequel of sorts, albeit a sequel to a version of the book that doesn't actually exist. In some respects it is truly excellent. Visually it may be dark but it's certainly in tune with my vision of Lewis Carroll's world. The characters are deliberately not based on previous renderings, showing instead all of the trademark Burton quirkiness which is completely suitable. I loved the look of the film. The problem is that while Burton is good at psychotic quirkiness he doesn't here pull off the whimsy that is required for Carroll. The use of a kind of gibberish German to name Wonderland items - upelkuchen for the cake that makes you grow, fairfarren for "safe journey" and so on - is contrived rather than whimsical. The humour is unforgivably clunky and Carroll's devious and cunning wordplay is entirely absent. Considered as an adaptation it misses the point by a country mile.

So the overall verdict isn't all that favourable. The movie has its good points but the bad points more than balance them out. I enjoyed it but not a much as I should have. The definitive version of Alice still remains to be made.

One last thing

Dear Mister Burton, can you tell Linda Woolverton, the screenwriter, that it's not "borogroves", it's "borogoves".