Halloween

We don't normally celebrate Halloween here in the UK but it is becoming more popular thanks to transatlantic influence and the desire of shops to flog more and more cheap tacky merchandise at every possible opportunity. I have had about half a dozen bunches of trick-or-treaters around tonight and a whole bunch of bemused reactions when I've offered them apples*.

Anyway, I won't be a spoilsport even though I don't really like the festival very much. Instead, I'll do something I don't normally do here and post a story I wrote at a writers' group a few years ago.

I'll even wish you a happy Halloween.

 Pumpkin Thoughts

Mmmm.

Not really sure why but I feel a bit odd today, a bit empty.

I don't know what I think about that. Actually I don't even know how I think about that.

How I think at all, now that I come to think of it. I never did much thinking before.

I think.

I think that there should be more to it than that. Something more important.

I think therefore I think? That doesn't have much of a ring to it. Something like that though.

I think therefore I...

JEEZUS... what the hell was that ? I never felt anything like it before. Pain. That's what it must have been. Pain.

What's this though? Sort of not darkness. Sort of well... brightness for want of a better word though to tell the truth I'm a bit vague about what I meant by 'darkness' as well.

Bright. Light. Funny thing. I suppose I'll get used to it. Now what's that I can... can... what's the word?

See. That's it.

What's that I can see?

Someone moving about, carrying a long thin shiny pointy thing. Knife. Yes, a...

Hey, she's waving it this way. Careful with that you'll have someone's...

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Damn that smarts, but it's certainly made a difference. It seems even brighter now. Oh, off hand I'd say about twice as bright.

She's put the knife down at least. That's a blessing. Who knows what damage she could have done with it? Oh, here she comes again. What's she up to this time? Picking me up looking at me. I'd wink if I could but I just can't seem to manage the trick for some reason. She's turning me round now.

Stop, stop. Whoops, too late. That looked like me though. Must have been a wossname. A thing that reflects. I know, a mirror. Shame she's put me down again. I'd have liked a better look. I wonder why she ignored me. Maybe she wasn't listening.

Uh-oh. She's picked up the knife again. What's she doing with it this time ?

A bloody great gash right across my... er... face - sort of long and thin and curved.

That explains it then,. No wonder she couldn't hear me. I didn't have a mouth. I was just talking to myself.

Hey!

Hey you out there !

You with the knife!

Mmmm.

No reaction. She must be deaf after all.

Wa-hey. She's picking me up again, turning me towards the mirror. Now I can have a good look at myself.

Devilishly handsome chap.

I've overdone the orange tan a bit but I love the big soulful eyes and that's quite a rakish grin if I do say so myself. Quite the charmer, not much room for improvement there.

Where's she going now ?

Oh well I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. For now I'll just sit here and have a bit of a think. Everything is happening so fast today. I ought to take a few minutes to let it all sink in.

Oops. No time for that. She's back. What's she carrying. Is it a knife ? Well it's long and thin but it doesn't look sharp and it's white and waxy. Now she's setting fire to the end of it. It's a candle. One candle? It must be my birthday.

Hey! What are you doing with that? It's supposed to go on a cake.

Get off! Get off you bloody maniac. I don't want that inside my head I'm bright enough already.

Ow! That's really, really hot. Take it out. Turn it off. Put it out.

She's picking me up again. Not to look in the mirror this time. She's putting me by the window to look outside. Nothing much to see.  It's pretty dark out there. There are a couple of kids in fancy dress in the street but that's about it.

There's this word rattling around in the back of my head. It's a funny word and I couldn't say what it means but it sort of fills my mind with pictures. Halloween. If this is Halloween I don't really mind it although I could do without the bits with the knife and I don't like the idea of a naked flame inside my head but I suppose it might be worse. Another few days and she might have set me on fire.

(* Hey, I have so many apples from my tree that I have to get rid of them somehow.)

A note from an old curmudgeon.

Following an internal link in Lynne Murphy's excellent Separated By A Common Language blog I found the post from November 2007 about the differences between British and American autumnal traditions. I read it with interest because I am one of those who consider Halloween to be a "nuisance or menacing form of begging". It's a good, well written article in a recommended blog, but I'm not sure that she isn't missing something important.
Halloween isn't celebrated here the way it seems to be in the US. (I've never been in the US at this time of year and can base my view only on things I've read or seen on TV.) If it were celebrated here like that, with groups of supervised children in colourful costumes going from house to house trick-or-treating, I don't think anyone would have a problem with it. I certainly wouldn't. The trouble is not with perception it's with experience. What we have where I live (near to Wolverhampton) is quite different to these benign festivities. This year has been very peaceful. A couple of times we had kids at the door. Both times it was a pair of unsupervised older teenagers whose costumes consisted of a pair of plastic fangs (in one case being held in his hand rather than his mouth) whose mumbled "trick-or-treat" definitely sounded menacing. It was also clear that what they wanted was money not sweets or chocolate.
In previous years it's been similar though more prolonged. They have sometimes started more than a week early and come to the same houses with the same attitude several times. Personally I just tell them "No" and apart from the odd bit of rubbish on the front lawn not been bothered by "tricks". On the other hand, my Dad is almost ninety and he feels very menaced by anyone coming to the door, people demanding money are especially worrying for people like him.

The attitude of the adults here towards Halloween isn't driven by some kind of general antipathy, it's driven by their experience. Maybe if schools or youth clubs organised and supervised larger groups of children with better costumes* we might take to it more kindly.
Maybe not, but it's probably worth a try.

(*and no, I don't think anyone would mind a Spiderman, Gypsy or whatever costume.)