On Teaching Useless Grammar.
11 hours ago
Mmmm.Not really sure why but I feel a bit odd today, a bit empty.I don't know what I think about that. Actually I don't even know how I think about that.How I think at all, now that I come to think of it. I never did much thinking before.I think.I think that there should be more to it than that. Something more important.I think therefore I think? That doesn't have much of a ring to it. Something like that though.I think therefore I...
JEEZUS... what the hell was that ? I never felt anything like it before. Pain. That's what it must have been. Pain.What's this though? Sort of not darkness. Sort of well... brightness for want of a better word though to tell the truth I'm a bit vague about what I meant by 'darkness' as well.Bright. Light. Funny thing. I suppose I'll get used to it. Now what's that I can... can... what's the word?See. That's it.What's that I can see?Someone moving about, carrying a long thin shiny pointy thing. Knife. Yes, a...Hey, she's waving it this way. Careful with that you'll have someone's...
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!Damn that smarts, but it's certainly made a difference. It seems even brighter now. Oh, off hand I'd say about twice as bright.She's put the knife down at least. That's a blessing. Who knows what damage she could have done with it? Oh, here she comes again. What's she up to this time? Picking me up looking at me. I'd wink if I could but I just can't seem to manage the trick for some reason. She's turning me round now.Stop, stop. Whoops, too late. That looked like me though. Must have been a wossname. A thing that reflects. I know, a mirror. Shame she's put me down again. I'd have liked a better look. I wonder why she ignored me. Maybe she wasn't listening.Uh-oh. She's picked up the knife again. What's she doing with it this time ?A bloody great gash right across my... er... face - sort of long and thin and curved.That explains it then,. No wonder she couldn't hear me. I didn't have a mouth. I was just talking to myself.Hey!Hey you out there !You with the knife!Mmmm.No reaction. She must be deaf after all.Wa-hey. She's picking me up again, turning me towards the mirror. Now I can have a good look at myself.Devilishly handsome chap.I've overdone the orange tan a bit but I love the big soulful eyes and that's quite a rakish grin if I do say so myself. Quite the charmer, not much room for improvement there.
Where's she going now ?Oh well I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. For now I'll just sit here and have a bit of a think. Everything is happening so fast today. I ought to take a few minutes to let it all sink in.Oops. No time for that. She's back. What's she carrying. Is it a knife ? Well it's long and thin but it doesn't look sharp and it's white and waxy. Now she's setting fire to the end of it. It's a candle. One candle? It must be my birthday.Hey! What are you doing with that? It's supposed to go on a cake.Get off! Get off you bloody maniac. I don't want that inside my head I'm bright enough already.Ow! That's really, really hot. Take it out. Turn it off. Put it out.She's picking me up again. Not to look in the mirror this time. She's putting me by the window to look outside. Nothing much to see. It's pretty dark out there. There are a couple of kids in fancy dress in the street but that's about it.
There's this word rattling around in the back of my head. It's a funny word and I couldn't say what it means but it sort of fills my mind with pictures. Halloween. If this is Halloween I don't really mind it although I could do without the bits with the knife and I don't like the idea of a naked flame inside my head but I suppose it might be worse. Another few days and she might have set me on fire.
... rather than end up completely broke in the Casino a few of us strolled down Queen Street to the Downtown Hotel in search of another of those quaint ten minute old traditions - the ‘Sourtoe’ cocktail. Now without being unduly cynical an easier quicker scam for making money was never dreamed up by anyone. The ‘legend’ has it that a group of riverboat captains played a joke on another who was something of a braggart by convincing him that it was traditional to drink down a shot of spirits containing the pickled remains of a human toe lost by a prospector due to frostbite. In the Downtown Hotel not only do they pull the same stunt on dozens of tourists every night they charge them for the privilege AND make them buy their own shot. Strange how knowing you are being conned doesn’t stop you though. At least half of our group, me included, swelled their coffers and from the queue behind us they were clearly going to have a profitable night’s toe sucking.
There must have been something wrong with either the tequila or the toe though because by the time I’d added it to the dozen or so beers I’d consumed already and the extra couple of shots I had afterwards I was feeling quite unsteady on my feet. Nevertheless the advanced state of inebriation that were all in as we re-crossed the river and walked to camp through the trees did have some advantages. To begin with we were making enough noise to scare away a hundred bears and anyway we were at the stage where we didn’t really care if they ate us although someone did remark that the joke about the bells sounded even less amusing now than it had before.