Iffleage Arties?

And now a post that not only combines something interesting about travel with something interesting about language but also manages to be a sequel to last week's post AND shows how poems can sometimes write themselves.

Intrigued? Pity, it's not as interesting as all that.

One of the things I quite like when I'm abroad is the odd, sometimes seemingly random, nature of the signage that is apparently intended to be in English. A particular favourite was in Nepal where a restaurant proudly, and perhaps appropriately, proclaimed "Try the real test of Tandoori!".

A rich source of such items can be found by examining the lists of hotel regulations that is usually taped inside the door of your room. In a hotel in Chang Rai I found a sign which is transcribed word for word, spelling for spelling and random gibberish for random gibberish, below.

Regulation to link the guest who come to stay

wellcome to Ian kum hotel quests are requested to co operate withthe hotel's directions here under

1. please deposite the valve belongings with our hotel safty box-

2. we will not be responsible for any artesies lost or stolen ~ in the room

3. iffleage arties are not allowed in the room or within the premises of the hotel

4. any danger caused to thehotel property during the pestrol of stay shall be responsible by guests

5. gambling are prohibited in the room

6. please do not disturb your heighbours

7. check out time in 12 hours

thank you

By Order:Foreigness Mancegment

I think most people would agree that it has a kind of poetry about it already. When I read it I spent ages trying to puzzle out exactly what an "iffleage arty" might be, worried in case I might have inadvertently taken one into my room. I f not for rule six I might have asked the heighbours.

In spite of it's inherent poetry I decided to add a couple of items from a similar notice in another hotel and turn it into verse. And here is the result.

Regulations to link the guest who come to stay.

In order to tidy the sociality and safety - peace to the guest who come to stay also in sure to the way policy nation wided tourism

1. Before 12 O'lock
Tourist visiting of the quest
Must retrun hotel
This rule from policy, so we tell.

2. Must passport bring
To the reception or section
Of the reception
For registartion - no expection.

3. Please to deposit
Value items in receptionist
Guest house is not
Responsible for any item that is lot.

4. It is to bring prohibit
Any procession into room
That is ilegality
Includin all weapon (Unles in militry)

5. Diasllow to apply
Another betting or a dopes
In room or house
Result of guest to be expelled out

6. For getting out or in
Please remember every tim
Handing in of the key
Before leaving room to go out to be free

7. Checking out before
12 O'cloak is required
Before leave please inspected
All belongs, room to be detected.

8. Forbid to get all
Belonging in hotel room
To hotel or house of guest
When you checking out please to not test

9. Guest to meet first
At reception only place
Awseome to lead to room
Without staff permission so seeking soon

10. If anyone guest not
To perform in activity
With these hotel style
Full panalty of law to put such guest on trial

By order

Immigration and foreigness mancegemant.

Perhaps not the greatest poem in the world, and certainly not in any way at all recitable but nevertheless my own small tribute to the unknown writer who had penned the original. Poetry like this is so easy that it almost writes itself.

But I still don't know what an "iffleage arty" is or why they were forbidden. If anyone can enlighten me, don't hesitate to do so.