A limp anecdote

I have gout.

I realise this is of little or no interest to anyone and I only mention it because it explains the limp. Actually it also explains the pained expression which is not because of any pain per se but because nobody looks pleased when the doctor has just told them that the only thing to do is stop drinking and cut out meat from their diet. 

Mostly though it explains the limp.

I've had the limp for several weeks now while I've been impatiently awaiting a diagnosis and, sad to say, now I have both the limp and the diagnosis. I'm not actually any better off. Yesterday though I realised, in a situation that could have come straight out of Danny Wallace's Awkward Situations for Men, just how socially awkward a limp can be. I was hobbling through the city centre on my way home from work when I saw, coming towards me, a very large and aggressive looking man. He wasn't quite a gorilla with toothache but he was doing a very good impersonation of one. He must have had gorilla DNA in his genes somewhere. 

He was also limping. And he wasn't just limping he was limping on his left foot in a manner almost  identical to mine.

Two thoughts simultaneously crossed my mind.

"Oh, he must have gout too, poor bugger."

and

"Oh no, what if he thinks I'm only limping to take the piss?"

It was quite busy and I was still walking towards him. I considered the options. I could ignore the situation and limp on past him hoping that he'd realise that I was just a fellow sufferer. I could steel myself to stop limping and take the pain for the few yards involved. I could limp past and nod sympathetically.

Instead I stopped and pretended to be deeply engrossed in the display on the mobile phone shop window. I only went on my way when I was sure he was out of sight. Oddly today I've noticed for the first time just how many people seem to have a limp and I've given up worrying about it. There must be a heck of a lot more gout about than I thought though.