Timely. Very timely.
This evening was a mid-course social and they decided to have a wine and cheese party. If you have been paying attention you will know that I am supposed to cut down on alcohol because of the gout (which I have done and which continues nonetheless to be hideously painful) and fatty foods like cheese because of the high cholesterol.
The list of things that I am not supposed to eat is really rather startling, especially when two other bits of medical advice are added:- my doctor's advice to lose weight and the general advice that dieting makes your gout worse.
Now just a couple of pages ahead in the book I am using for inspiration is a drawing of an empty fridge. What more need be said?
Well there's this for a start.
My doctor says I've gout, so I need to give up meat.
Fair enough, I thought, there are other things to eat.
"Also to be avoided," my doctor pressed ahead
"Are mushrooms and asparagus." "No problem there." I said.
"Anchovies and cauliflower, spinach and sardines,
Things containing yeast, not to mention peas and beans.
Also alcohol's a problem, you ought to cut it out."
I sighed and said , reluctantly, I'd try to do without.
"Next, " my doctor said, "Your cholesterol's too high,
So here are all the things to be avoided by and by.
Eat no margarine or butter, eat only cottage cheese.
Avoid fatty foods and fry ups. And no biscuits please."
He paused to take a breath before going on, "And now
You also need to lose some weight, but with no dieting somehow
Because dieting we find seems to drive the acid higher
And the acid is what causes gout to set your foot on fire."
I took in the advice that my doctor slowly gave me
And went and did the one thing that would surely save me.
I spoke to his receptionist and what I told her shocked her.
"I have to give things up," I said "Such as visiting the doctor."