Clerihews: poetry for people who are really, really bad at poetry

I don’t really have much time to write today as I have lessons morning and afternoon and then need to prepare for Monday AND Wednesday because I will be out visiting a friend all day Tuesday. So, here’s a very quick form of verse that can also be used to good effect when teaching – the Clerihew. To define exactly what a Clerihew is let me just quote one – not one of my own sadly – from Paul Cookson.

Edmund Clerihew Bentley
Invited the type of poem you are reading presently,
Two comic rhyming couplets about a person where the length isn’t fixed
Then he died in nineteen fifty-six.

The whole point of Clerhiews is that they are awful. The rhymes can be off. The worse they scan, the better they are. They are supposed to be bad.


So here are some for the Rolling Stones, dashed off at such breakneck speed that the friction has made my keyboard catch fire.

Mick Jagger
All strut and swagger
The perfect mouth to be a singer
Those lips? Sink plunger? Dead ringer!

Brian Jones,
Was one of the guitarists in the Rolling Stones.
He should still be, I’ve heard it said.
But he can’t. He’s dead.

Mick Taylor,
Can’t really be thought a failure
Though it’s true he didn’t last long.
As Brian Jones’ replacement he was probably just wrong.

Ronnie Wood
Must be good
He was in once Mick Taylor was out
And he’s still about.

Charlie Watts,
Handsome? Not!
He plays the drums, not guitar or bass
And looks as if he hits them with his face.

Bill Wyman
Certainly not a shy man
He prefers his partners not too old
And he’s had thousands, so we’re told

And you’ll notice that I’ve left out Keith. That’s for the simple reason that if you can find a rhyme for Richards, even one bad enough to go in a Clerihew, then you’re better at this than I am.