Last night I watched "The Grumpy Guide To Christmas" in which a collection of splenetic figures railed against the season. They covered a lot of bases. Christmas shopping, Christmas food, Christmas television, Christmas cards; all things Christmas were demolished with an almost joyful glumness. They did, however, miss a few things that I think ought to be mentioned.
First off there are radio stations. For me this problem usually starts about a month before Christmas when they start playing nothing but Christmas songs; mixing all the old ones you've hated for years with all the new ones you'll hate for years to come. Last year I thought I'd found the solution with Classic FM but they switched over three weeks before the day to playing carol concerts, the Hallelujah chorus and generally jolly christmassy classical stuff. This year I tried BBC Radio 3 and got to almost a week before Christmas before needing to switch off altogether. I now have almost a year to choose next year's station. Suggestions will be appreciated.
Another thing they missed was Christmas cards at work. I'm annoyed enough by people who write cards and leave them on everyone's desks but more annoying still are the emails that say "This year I have decided not send any cards. I will instead be making a donation to charity." This year I've had half a dozen of them and always from people I have never actually heard of. I want to email back and say "I don't believe you. You just sent that to all 2000 people in the college. At ten pence each that's two hundred quid. Show me the receipt!"
Next year, I'll send my own. "This year I'm not sending cards. I'll be spending the money on booze."
The Grumpies also failed to grump about the excessive, pointless waste of time, effort and money that goes into decorating the outside of houses with illuminated Santas and such like - the more excessive the decorations, the more working class the district - though it must be said that there have been far fewer this year than ever before.
They also missed mentioning people who think it the height of seasonal wit to sit in pubs wearing ties with Santa Clauses, Christmas Trees and Reindeer that light up with flashing red bulbs or play "We wish you a Merry Christmas" or "Jingle Bells" every few minutes.
One of them did touch briefly on the ludicrous concept of cranberry sauce, but it bears repeating here. You wouldn't put marmalade on your roast beef. Don't put jam on your poultry.
Nobody mentioned Charles Dickens and that book. This year we have only a modest half dozen or so versions of A Christmas Carol (though one of them is Catherine Tate) but some years there seem to be versions of it on at least once a day, every day for a couple of weeks around Christmas.
I'm sure there were other things but the last word now, as then, must go to Ozzy Osbourne who finished the program with the accurate and pithy observation, "What a load of b******s Christmas is."
(And just in case this post may seem at odds with previous ones, may I refer you to Ralph Waldo Emerson.)
And a merry bah humbug to all my loyal readers. :)
First off there are radio stations. For me this problem usually starts about a month before Christmas when they start playing nothing but Christmas songs; mixing all the old ones you've hated for years with all the new ones you'll hate for years to come. Last year I thought I'd found the solution with Classic FM but they switched over three weeks before the day to playing carol concerts, the Hallelujah chorus and generally jolly christmassy classical stuff. This year I tried BBC Radio 3 and got to almost a week before Christmas before needing to switch off altogether. I now have almost a year to choose next year's station. Suggestions will be appreciated.
Another thing they missed was Christmas cards at work. I'm annoyed enough by people who write cards and leave them on everyone's desks but more annoying still are the emails that say "This year I have decided not send any cards. I will instead be making a donation to charity." This year I've had half a dozen of them and always from people I have never actually heard of. I want to email back and say "I don't believe you. You just sent that to all 2000 people in the college. At ten pence each that's two hundred quid. Show me the receipt!"
Next year, I'll send my own. "This year I'm not sending cards. I'll be spending the money on booze."
The Grumpies also failed to grump about the excessive, pointless waste of time, effort and money that goes into decorating the outside of houses with illuminated Santas and such like - the more excessive the decorations, the more working class the district - though it must be said that there have been far fewer this year than ever before.
They also missed mentioning people who think it the height of seasonal wit to sit in pubs wearing ties with Santa Clauses, Christmas Trees and Reindeer that light up with flashing red bulbs or play "We wish you a Merry Christmas" or "Jingle Bells" every few minutes.
One of them did touch briefly on the ludicrous concept of cranberry sauce, but it bears repeating here. You wouldn't put marmalade on your roast beef. Don't put jam on your poultry.
Nobody mentioned Charles Dickens and that book. This year we have only a modest half dozen or so versions of A Christmas Carol (though one of them is Catherine Tate) but some years there seem to be versions of it on at least once a day, every day for a couple of weeks around Christmas.
I'm sure there were other things but the last word now, as then, must go to Ozzy Osbourne who finished the program with the accurate and pithy observation, "What a load of b******s Christmas is."
(And just in case this post may seem at odds with previous ones, may I refer you to Ralph Waldo Emerson.)
And a merry bah humbug to all my loyal readers. :)
2 comments:
May I be allowed to wish you a blessed Christmas.
Christmas has always done me good, and I shall continue to keep it. Scrooge's nephew, Fred, paraphrased.
I like lights. I like presents. I love music but tire of all the radio stations because their playlists seem to be so short. When there are hundreds of songs from which to choose, why do they only play about 40 of them?
I know I'm a crazy, optimistic Christan believer, though, and I don't really share my faith or my beliefs at work because it isn't appropriate (especially since I'm the boss). I do try to share my joy with those around me. . . you know . . .when I have joy.
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